addressing me as Sir or perhaps Commander and asking me how many slices of pumpkin pie I’d like for lunch Okay so our village is boring at times Here’s another thing I don’t like about it the trading For example if you want some cookies well it’s not like you just go down to the store slam three emeralds onto the counter and call it a done deal No no no In reality you walk into the store hoping the guy selling the cookies is having a good day If he’s not he’s going to hurrrrr for what seems like forever as he thinks about a fair price and the whole time your stomach’s rumbling and you’re telling yourself things like Maybe I should just have a raw potato instead In fact I had to spend a total of ten emeralds on this diary you’re reading right now That librarian totally ripped me off My mom gave me those emeralds for lunch at school If she found out that I spent a week’s worth of lunch emeralds on a diary But I guess the librarian was nice compared to that blacksmith a few days ago He wanted thirty emeralds for a pair of leather boots and the boots weren’t even in new condition Seriously would someone actually pay that much 4
Then again my friend Stump said he once sold a moldy potato to a warrior for five emeralds I guess that warrior was really hungry I have to watch out for more than just traders too Some of the villager kids are real jerks Especially that kid Max He’s always telling these unbelievable stories Well some kids believe him Max likes scaring anyone he can The other day he was telling some kids about a monster called the poo screamer Supposedly a poo screamer is a special type of creeper Creepers are green of course because they’re made out of leaves But a poo screamer is brown because it’s Um Made out of poo When it attacks it doesn’t hiss like normal It makes a loud gurgling sound Or so Max says You really don’t want to be around when one of these things explodes 5
Of course Max just made it up I know that But a few little kids totally fell for it While those kids were playing in the street Max hid behind a nearby house Then he made the sound a poo screamer supposedly makes Graagraaagggurrrrgggggg ftttttt It terrified some of those kids From what I heard they wouldn’t go near a bathroom for days after They didn’t want the poo screamer to get them Yeah Welcome to my life Irritating mobs Greedy librarians And Max 6
FRIDAY Last night I had a crazy dream Our village had warriors and I was one of them I looked endermen straight in the eye I deflected skeleton arrows with my bare hands I mowed down zombies like a farmer harvesting beetroots Finally I punched a creeper so hard it bounced off the ground and flew up into the sun where it exploded making the sun brighter The brighter sun burned up the rest of the skeletons and zombies Yeah That’s the kind of warrior I want to be But that was just a dream The reality is school is starting on Monday and I just turned twelve 7
