1 The House Built from Floss JEREMIAH BIRNBAUM lived in a house that looked like a medieval castle It was surrounded by a moat and ten acres of grounds Swans and flamingos floated serenely on the water in the moat Inside the house was anything but medieval There were nine bathrooms a games room with antique pinball machines a fully equipped exercise room with an oval track an indoor pool with a water slide and a hot tub There was an art gallery with paintings from the sixteenth to the nineteenth centuries a movie theater a bowling alley The floors were heated in the winter and cooled in the summer Hidden sensors turned on the lights when someone entered
Jeremiah’s bedroom suite was on the third floor It had a grand entertainment center private bathroom with a lion’s foot bathtub and a separate marble shower stall with stereo speakers built in There was a refrigerator stocked with drinks and three walk-in closets one for casual wear one for formal attire and one for toys The desk where he did his homework would have suited the president of a bank From his private turret Jeremiah could look down at the artificial waterfall that fed into the moat His father had stocked the moat with trout That way Jeremiah could enjoy the experience of fishing without the disappointment of not catching anything Jeremiah’s house was built from floss dental floss His parents had made their fortune from a dental-floss dispenser that mounted on the bathroom wall The dispenser used laser light rays and a miniature computer to measure a person’s mouth and dispense the precise length of floss required The deluxe model let a person choose a flavor such as mint raspberry chocolate pecan heavenly hash or banana smoothie It was something nobody knew they needed until the television and billboard and internet advertisements told them they did And if you don’t have one in your house yet well don’t a room worry You will soon Jeremiah had absolutely everything he could want He
was a very lucky boy as his parents reminded him every day Not many kids have what you have Jeremiah his father would say The most advanced home computer available A miniature electric Rolls-Royce that you can drive yourself A tennis court with a robot opponent you can always beat Do you know how lucky you are Yes I do Jeremiah said He meant it too What could a kid like Jeremiah have to complain about Absolutely nothing THIS WAS Jeremiah Curly red hair Freckles Pale skin that burned easily in the sun His mother made him wear sunscreen even in the winter A slouch when he walked even though his father told him to stand up straight Remember you’re a Birnbaum Hands that were always fiddling with restaurant menus gum wrappers wax from a dining-room candle A total lack of interest in the international dental-floss market Jeremiah understood that his parents wanted to give him everything because they themselves had once had nothing
