Special thanks to Jesse Brady for the cover and interior illustrations You can check out more of Jesse’s sweet artwork at Acknowledgments
chapter 1 Jesse Come over Now You’re not going to believe this Boogers and Blasters That was the text that ruined my life I know I know that doesn’t sound like a life-ruiner Especially because the text’s sender my friend Eric says You’re not going to believe this about the world’s most believable things Just in the past month he’s told me that I wouldn’t believe a piece of toast that looked exactly like Darth Vader it looked exactly like a burnt piece of toast a sweet trick he learned on his bike riding for literally one half of one second without holding onto the handlebars and a really big booger that one actually was pretty impressive I ignored the text for a little bit because nothing makes Eric talk faster than silence When he didn’t write back after five minutes I finally replied What is it
No response You gonna tell me or what Nothing This better not be another booger Nope Five more minutes passed I sighed Fine Eric was going to win this one But only because looking at his dumb booger would be more fun than this math homework I closed my book put on my jacket and walked across the street to Eric’s house The door was open so I let myself in and walked down to the basement All right let’s see it I said as I reached the bottom of the stairs No booger Also no Eric Come on I called out I wandered into the laundry room where the dirty clothes should be I walked upstairs into Eric’s room where the dirty clothes actually were I checked behind all the doors inside all the closets and under all the beds No booger No Eric I couldn’t believe it Ever since Eric’s family moved into the house across the street from mine in first grade his favorite activity
has been playing practical jokes on me I appreciate a good practical joke as much as the next guy unfortunately none of Eric’s practical jokes are good Because he’s so impatient he ruins every joke before it even begins I don’t know how many sleepovers I’ve been to where Eric has attempted to dip a sleeping friend’s finger in warm water only to have the water dumped over his head by the victim who’d had his eyes closed for less than 30 seconds So on one hand I had to admire Eric’s commitment to this particular joke On the other it may have been his dumbest yet Back in the basement I decided that I’d had enough OK I yelled to an empty house I’m going back home now I have to finish the math homework due Monday Maybe you should do the same More silence I looked around The only sign of life anywhere was a video game paused on the TV in the corner Eric loved his video games Especially the one on the screen right now Full Blast Never heard of Full Blast That’s because it’s not out yet Eric got it two weeks ago from Charlie the coolest kid in our class To clarify Charlie isn’t the coolest kid in sixth grade because he’s actually a cool kid He’s the coolest because his dad works for a video game company
