Dear Reader I don't know your actual real name so just pretend your name is in the place where I wrote Reader There are some French words in this book because this book takes place in Paris When you see a French word that you don't know just flip to the back of the book There is a glossary back there that will tell you what bonjour and merci mean and lots of other French words too I know what you are thinking Wow thank you so much That is really helpful You're welcome I hope you enjoy this very amazing and hilarious story Love Winicker
One EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT IN PARIS I hate Paris My parents say Winicker Wallace you do not hate Paris But I do I am eight and that is old enough to know what I hate Before we moved to Paris I wore my hair in two buns on top of my head Now I wear one single sad bun Grandma Balthazar calls it a protest A protest is when you want to show your parents how much you hate Paris But they asked you to stop saying I hate Paris especially in public So you wear your hair in a single sad bun to remind them without getting yelled at I am sad because we live in Paris now I am sad because we do not live in my favorite town which is Three Rivers I am sad because we do not live 6
in my favorite state which is Massachusetts I am sad because we do not even live in my favorite country which is the United States of America And I am sad because we live thousands of miles away from my best friend Roxanne Two weeks ago my mother started her new job in Paris Paris is not in Three Rivers or Massachusetts or the United States of America Paris is in France and I do not speak French This morning my family is smooshed around a tiny table inside a café with a long name There are ugly paintings of fruit and dead flowers all over the walls There are bookshelves that go all the way up to the ceiling There are a million dusty books Ah Ah ACHOO I wipe my nose with the back of my hand I’m allergic to Paris I say to my mom and dad and Grandma Balthazar This is different than saying I hate Paris This is a health problem 7
