The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl: Squirrel Meets World
1 Doreen Green liked her name It rhymed 1 DOREEN 1 2. Doreen was a combo of her parents names Dor Maureen 3. Her initials D and G were both big sweeping letters you could form with a squirrel tail if for example you happened to have one Which Doreen totally did.² All I'm saying said Doreen Green is this neighborhood better be chock full of squirrels 1 Hey that's me I'll be reading this book along with you if you don't mind If you do mind just pretend those adorable little numbers are word hats and ignore these footnotes 2 It's true I was totally born with a squirrel tail
3 SQUIRREL GIRL It will be said her mom who looked similar to a lot of other moms you've probably seen around i.e. human with no squirrel tail If you ignored the tail Doreen also looked similar to a lot of humans you've seen around Specifically this human was a fourteen year old of the female variety with pale freckled skin and red hair that never grew longer than her jaw Also her two front teeth were a little longer than their neighbors She had to gnaw on things to keep them from getting even longer Things like logs. Chock Full Of Squirrels Doreen repeated I researched the area before we moved sweetie and there isn't a neighborhood in New Jersey that isn't teeming with squirrels squirrels said Maureen Or any neighborhood in almost any climate anywhere in the world actually Squirrels get around Yeah Squirrels are awesome They were unpacking boxes in their new house which smelled a little damp like an overturned pile of leaves and not at all familiar Maureen was stacking their towels and sheets in the hallway linen closet Doreen was perched on the curtain rod above her window taping a poster of She Hulk onto her ceiling One time when Doreen was little she and her mom were walking 3 Mm mm logs nature's crackers Maple logs are my favorite fresh with syrup JK I don't eat logs That would be weird I just chew on them to keep my front teeth trim Which isn't weird at all If you're me
SQUIRREL MEETS WORLD down a sidewalk in Los Angeles and saw She Hulk punch a truck full of bank robbers.4 In New Jersey there was little chance Doreen would happen upon She Hulk Her new home was closer to the Avengers of course since the Super Heroes were based in New York but they were still a whole state away Can you put this on your mattress asked Maureen toss ing her daughter a sheet Doreen leaped off the curtain rod caught the sheet in an airborne somersault and landed feetfirst on her bed The Avengers on the sheet were washed out and threadbare in places The red in Captain America's suit had turned pink The Hulk's angry faces were faded to pale green blobs Doreen refused to ever get so old and serious that she'd be embarrassed to sleep on Avengers sheets She held it to her nose and inhaled It still smelled like home or their former home A little salty like the California air A little salty like the tiny tears of the squirrel friends who had gathered on her bed that final night to say their farewells Doreen sniffed A small whimper escaped her throat Oh sweetie said Maureen I know it's hard Why don't you go out and prowl around huh Meet some new friends You can finish unpacking later 4 Also one time I saw She Hulk walk into a smoothie shop but the punching a truck to make it stop was more memorable
