The smile was gone the laughter too Even the dangling gold earrings that Amá had worn daily were no more Petra suspected she’d had to sell them Her only remaining jewelry was her simple wedding band which she never took off even though she was now a widow At last the bag was empty Samuel headed to the outhouse and Elena went into the bedroom she and Petra shared Petra used her hand to sweep the empty pecan shells off the table back into the bag Amá stood up and poured herself another cup of coffee from the speckled blue pot Her eyes met Petra’s We need to talk she said Petra’s stomach tightened What’s wrong She and Amá rarely talked Not the way some of Petra’s friends did with their mothers Petra had once seen Carmela and her mother at their kitchen table heads close together browsing through some magazine whispering and laughing at something only they shared At first Petra had been jealous Then she’d been overcome by an ache in her chest An ache that made her want to cry for what was missing in her life Only three when her real mother had died of pneumonia Petra still remembered her scent 6
Gardenias Whenever she caught a whiff of gardenias gardenias she felt a yearning for something lost And now Papá was gone too Petra’s pain was like a bruise on her heart that would never heal If she could only share that pain with Amá If only her stepmother would hold her close Had Amá ever hugged her Petra couldn’t remember And now she wants to talk Amá sat back down at the table her eyebrows drawn together We’re behind on our expenses Even with all of us shelling we’re bringing in less than four dollars a week It won’t cover the house payment let alone everything else we need Petra’s knees shook under the table like they always did when she was scared or nervous Papá had always said she got this from her real mother Amparo With a hand on each knee Petra tried to stop the trembling We’re managing she started but Amá cut her off Look around you The icebox is almost empty We’re low on oil for the lamps We’re down to a few mesquite logs for the woodstove You need shoes Your brother needs shoes and pants There’s no money You need to get a job 7
A job Petra’s mind raced But Amá what about school School’s another expense we don’t even have money for your notebook paper She must have seen me erasing my papers over and over again Samuel and Elena are too young to work but you’re thirteen already Amá went on I spoke to Don Ignacio about you today Talked to your boss about me Why Because he might hire you Amá said Two ladies at the factory got sick and had to quit so there are openings A tight knot settled in Petra’s stomach Her knees shook again Her worst nightmare had come true I can’t quit school yet I only have three years until I graduate I can get a job then We can’t wait that long Amá said I need you working full time now or I won’t be able to make the house payment No house payment no house The knot in Petra’s stomach got bigger Papá had built the simple wooden frame house with his own hands The small porch then the front bedroom followed by the middle one followed by the kitchen 8
were all sequenced in a narrow row that made the house look like a railroad car Amá’s room was in the very front of the house so that she had to go through Petra’s bedroom to get to the kitchen But it was home a more comfortable home than most people in the barrio had Amá loved the color turquoise so Papá had painted the house turquoise with white trim on the windows He’d even painted the outhouse and the storage shed the same color The Navarros were the only family on the whole West Side with a matching house and outhouse Petra knew they didn’t own the lot the land the house was built on and that if they couldn’t pay what they owed each month they’d lose everything Please Amá I’ll shell harder than ever here at home I won’t complain Please Petra Amá sighed exasperated you can’t earn enough that way This house is all we have left from your father If we lose it we will have nowhere else to go He had no family here and my sisters are all the way in Michigan Even if we could travel there they can’t afford to take us in We would be out on the street Is that what you want 9
